I'm Still Here
by SmileyJen
Summary: "No one can ever deny you anything, Finnick." I gritted my teeth in defeat. A Finnick/Johanna oneshot, setting by the beach during the quarter quells. Please enjoy! :)


**Hello Guys! **

**No offence towards Annie lovers, but I absolutely LOVE Finnick and Johanna! I think they have a great relationship together. **

** Hope you enjoy reading, please review so that I can improve :D**

**Disclaimer : I do not own Hunger games, if I did I'd die of happiness. **

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**I'M STILL HERE**

I watched Katniss and Peeta sitting by the shores, oblivious towards the world feeling only each other's company. There was a time I'd kill to have a taste of what they have; love. I wonder how long I've been staring. It's obvious how much Katniss doesn't trust us, she's probably thinking how we'd turn our backs on her and Peeta soon. I wouldn't blame her, there's so much she doesn't know, yet.

On the other hand, Wiress and Beetee seemed to be the only ones enjoying themselves. Wiress was picking shattered pieces of shells on the beach and showing them to Beetee, she giggled every time he took them from her and rushed to find another for him. I would've shoved them down her throat but Beetee simply smiled happily.

"Johanna,"

I glanced up, the sun glared into my eyes and I squinted. Finnick doesn't wait for my permission before he plops down beside me.

"How're you feeling?"

I shot him a fierce glare. "Besides being thrown into a wretched game; losing Blight; dragging an unstable Beetee halfway through the arena and having to deal with Wiress, I'd say I feel just wonderful,", putting as much sarcasm as I can, and he notices.

"I'm sorry for Blight," he apologized, but I didn't know what for.

"He wasn't much, but he was from home."

I stared straight ahead as I tasted the word "home" in my mouth. District 7 hadn't feel like home for a really long time. Not with an empty house that I barely return to. How ironic, I am a Victor in the games, but a loser in life. Finnick stared at my face, trying to figure out what I was thinking. I felt my eyebrows furrowed, I absolutely hate it when people do that.

"They don't trust us, Jo." Finnick concluded as he observed Katniss and Peeta.

I frowned when I heard him calling me that stupid nickname; one that I got when I first met him back during my Victor's tour. I tilted my head slightly and true enough I see them whispering intently while making occasional glances towards us.

"I wouldn't too if I were them, I'd take us out before things get bloody." I shrugged.

He grinned and nudged me, "I think it's your fault, with the feisty attitude."

"Don't forget the axe as well." I added with an evil smirk.

"I'd never forget that, not after seeing what you are capable of doing to a human with it."

"Shut up, pretty boy." I snarled.

"So you think I'm pretty? Do you find me equally charming then, Ms Mason?" He leans forward, until our faces are inches apart and puts on a seductive voice that could easily charm any woman, except me.

My hand shot for the axe lying beside me, debating whether I should give him a deep, long scar. It'd do him good. He chuckles and moves out of harm's way before I plant my axe on his face. It's only at times like this, will his eyes genuinely look alive like the old Finnick Odair. I like to think that maybe there is still a part of him that remains untouched by the Capitol.

"How long is this going to take? I'm bored as hell," I grunted as I stretched my sore legs.

Finnick stopped his doodling of what seems to be a girl and disrupted the sand with his hands. Even with his pathetic drawing, I knew it was her. Given how he almost died and probably wouldn't make it out the arena alive; he still found the heart to think about her.

"Do you miss her?" I was honestly surprised by how the question came out before I could control myself.

Finnick turns and fixed his eyes on mine, obviously giving the question some thought before he answered.

"Very," he smiled.

I nodded. Makes sense; Annie was his one true love. He loved her, not any woman from the Capitol that he was forced to entertain. If this was a good world, Finnick and Annie would have a happy life together. Too bad it isn't, not with the snarling grasps of the Capitol on every one of us.

"You might not see her again."

"I guess I can only hope for the best." He shrugged. "At least we're still alive now right?" He grins from ear to ear, but his eyes looked hollow and sad.

I understand him more than he thinks I do. We're the same, both broken dolls controlled by the Capitol. That's why he risks his life for the rebellion; it's his only way to protect the ones he loves. What about me? Who do I do all this for? Who do I live for now that the ones I loved, gone? I ask myself the same question day after day, night after night, without ever finding the answer my heart longs for.

"Are we really now? I'm sure this is more like hell." I scoffed.

"Don't be sour, Jo. You're being negative again." He points.

"And you're being annoying." I shot back.

He chuckled and winked at me, "That's why we're a perfect match, no?"

I felt my lips form a wry smirk "Unfortunately we're not. We just know each other well - too well I should say. We're both screw ups and the only difference is that you have something to look forward to, while I don't. Not anymore."

This caught him by surprise. He blinked a few times, opened his mouth and closed it back, not knowing what to say.

"You haven't forgiven yourself even after all these years." He states frankly.

I smirked. "Never did, never will."

"You're killing yourself, Jo."

"Well the sooner I succeed, the better. The world will have one less wretch to worry about."

Without any warning, he wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace and buried his face in the crooks of my neck. I stiffened in response and my grip on the axe tightened. I would've butchered him there and then if I hadn't remembered we were being watched by the entire Panem. He obviously did not want whatever he said to be seen by cameras.

"Once this is over, you'll be able to live freely again." He whispers in my ears. He's lying and he's good at it, because the Capitol gave him enough experience, instilling one of the skills of his that I absolutely despise.

"Why bother? There's no one left," I gave him a dry laugh.

"I'm still here, Jo."

"Not forever."

"But long enough. Live on. If not for you, then do it for me." He tightened his embrace, as if he was afraid that I would break apart.

This is not love; not even a meager slice of affection, simply pity towards a familiar acquaintance. Yet I can't deny feeling a little happy, knowing at least my existence would be remembered and perhaps thought of once in a while. The Capitol will forget, even people will move on, but I know he won't leave me here to rot alone.

If I could somehow love someone, I'd choose to love him.

"No one can ever deny you anything, Finnick." I gritted my teeth in defeat.

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Nobody knows what the future holds; maybe we'd make it; maybe we won't.

When I look in the mirror, I look very much like a villain.

My father told me villains can't love, we can only destroy;

So I definitely can't love.

But if I could love,

I'd love you.

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**Thank you so much for the reviews! It really motivates me to do better :))**


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